Many of us have got a strong Inner Control Freak (ICF). Its job, as it sees it, is to monitor our emotions and to make sure they stay in acceptable bounds – not too high not too low. And there are some emotions that they find unacceptable, such as sadness, fear, anger, etc. Vulnerability of course is a complete no no! That is just to too delicate, too uncontrollable…and too alive!! Then their job is to manage our emotions in whatever way they can, be it addictive processes or compulsive processes. These could be drugs, alcohol, food, workaholism, co-dependency, people pleasing – anything that will lower its anxiety about keeping our emotions in check.


 The way that we work with our Inner Control Freaks is very straightforward; it’s just not always easy for us to tolerate. We let ourselves feel what we are feeling. Of course, the ICF is going to freak out about this, hence its name, Inner Control Freak. And we have to let it have its freak out and remember that this is not the truth of who we really are. The ICF will try to compel us to do whatever it takes to run away from our inner experience, to addictive or compulsive activities of one kind or another. And we refrain. Again and again we refrain. We let ourselves just be. And let God or our Higher Self handle our feelings.

 Very simple. Not always so easy! 

Blessings, Robert Cornell


About spirittherapist

The integration of spiritual and psychological work. Robert B. Cornell Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT) Robert has been practicing marriage & family therapy for 14 years. He is experienced in the areas of depression, anxiety, spiritual direction, vocational counseling, and recovery work. He enjoys working with individuals, adults, and young adults. His work incorporates cognitive-behavioral, acceptance & commitment, depth psychology, humanistic-existential, and psychodynamic therapies. Robert is in the process of publishing a book on psycho-spiritual growth entitled, “Fifty Ways of Letting Go”.
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